Love in Quarantine: Interview with Paul & Liz

Over the years, Paul and I have learned the value in being honest with each other about our struggles. Pretending that everything is fine in a relationship is severely overrated. No good can come from it. And while I know that the simile is exhausted from overuse, it's still true that ignoring problems in marriage is like placing a bandaid over an infected wound. Healing won't happen if you simply cover it up and "give it time." Most likely (if we could push the illustration just a tad bit further) that wound will fester, spread and end up causing permanent damage. Don't let this happen. Paul and I learned early on that true healing only begins once we both acknowledge that there. is. a. problem.

This isn't easy. For one thing, if you've taken the step to name the problem, chances are, you'll have to start naming the things that you've done personally to cause said issue. Ouch.

But just like we grit our teeth and rip a bandaid off, the pain of admitting failure can be short lived if done correctly. When Paul and I set aside defensiveness and stated the ways that we manipulated (and even hurt) each other and when we began to ask for forgiveness for our actions, pride, and judgementalism, the healing process started. We began to focus on finding ways to love the person God had made rather than trying to "fix" them in order to make life more comfortable (for us.)

The truth is that pride, judgementalism, and defensiveness still surge up in my heart on a regular basis. There are many times when I STILL want to "fix" Paul. I want him to stop acting like Paul and start acting more like Liz : ) But because of God's grace and our stubborn refusal to give up on our 17-year friendship, we've been developing the biblical tools needed to combat those feelings for just as long (well, almost just as long...if you don't count that disastrous first year : )

Marriage is often the battle ground for spiritual maturity. But it can also be your safe haven during tragedy, your verdant farm for personal growth, and (let's be honest : ) your favorite theme park for pure enjoyment and fun.

All that to say, Paul and I had the opportunity to record an interview with our pastor regarding our history of conflict over differences and poor marital expectations. Maybe you just need to hear from someone that conflict is normal but change is possible. (Or maybe you just want to hear us describe the trainwreck that was our first year.... : ) Either way, we hope that the interview will be an encouragement to you.

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Books mentioned during our talk: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

Our section begins at the 35 minute mark.