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Paul

Respect in Marriage: Getting Practical

We want to give you some practical applications for how respect plays out in the everyday realm of marriage. Sometimes it’s helpful to think about where the rubber meets the road.

Disclaimer: There are marriages where the lack of respect constitutes a more serious problem than the scenarios we give below. The principles of this post can still help those more serious problems, but it is likely that a couple with those types of issues will need someone to come alongside them to help. Certainly this would include cases of emotional, verbal or physical abuse.


So, you want to respect your spouse, but what do you do when…


Your spouse doesn’t give you respect.


Have you ever been out with a group of people and after you make a comment, your spouse immediately and condescendingly corrects you? Or they make fun of what you just said?  Or maybe you feel as though during any given conversation you are constantly competing against your spouse’s phone/computer/xbox/kindle/tv for attention? You may end up feeling less important than whatever gadget they appear to be infatuated with.  In short, do you ever get the feeling that you are being disrespected? In that moment, what does your spouse deserve and why?


You know your spouse better than anyone else and this familiarity breeds contempt.


After ten years, (hopefully) there’s not much that you won’t know about your spouse. When you first got married, your admiration for their strengths and abilities overshadowed any “tiny” foibles or weaknesses they had. But as the years progress, it’s easy to take those strengths for granted and to let those daily foibles increasingly draw your ire. In the end, contempt really shows up in two ways. While still enjoying all the benefits of your spouse’s strengths and abilities you show contempt by overlooking them. At the same time, those irritating habits you graciously overlooked earlier, become a daily frustration and you show contempt by continually meditating on them (and probably pointing them out : ) At this point in a marriage, what does your spouse deserve and why?


Their cultural preferences differ from yours.



Prejudice is “an adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand without good justification.” It “prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation.” In other words, what if your spouse…

…hangs the toilet paper the wrong way (nevermind making an awesome pointed edge!)

…doesn’t know how to set a table

…likes “indie” music

…believes that manners are the quintessential form of snobbery

…thinks that men must take out the trash (always!)

…doesn’t like family reunions

…likes going out rather than staying in for dinner

…always leaves the toothpaste lid off

etc.


After you’ve made your opinion known (in the most gracious, loving manner, surely) and your spouse still doesn’t agree with you, what do they deserve in that moment and why?

Tomorrow we will go about answering these practical questions. Until then, have fun discussing the situations amongst yourselves! : )

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