Nearly nine years ago I published the first list of "Jack-isms." It was on a whim, probably because I was suffering from writer's block and desperate. Turns out, that whim was a big hit and of my blog posts, the "-isms" are some of the most loved. Which I get. Because my children say hilarious things which can be really helpful, especially on days when laughing is better than reading the news. And if you have to read the news (especially right now,) may I suggest that you read some of these immediately afterward. The world is heavy, but children remind us that each day is new and sucess is found in the mundane, daily moments. As parents we fight little battles and watch change happen in fits and starts over the course of years. A particular day (or months) might feel bleak, but we find joy along the way as well.
In any case, here is the eighteenth addition to the "-isms" series. When we started, Jack was four, and just learning how to navigate utensils (eek!) Today he is thirteen, and just learning how to navigate relationships (ack!) Toddler to teen. The good news is that I've survived, and also laughed alot along the way.
I hope that today you sit and wander down your own memory lane for a bit. Be encouraged. Be thankful. And maybe have your own chuckle or two.
Jack is cleaning my bathroom...which is awesome.
Jack is also using a nice hand towel to wipe down the sinks using a cleaner with bleach...which is...less than awesome #itsjustatowleitsjustatowlitsjustatowel #helpmerhonda
Meg, as she is “crafting” this morning:
“Mom, how do you draw a nose?”
“Mom, how do you draw an ear?”
“Mom, how do you draw a shirt?”
“Mom, how do you draw a tree?”
“Mom, how do you draw a Pegasus with a beautifully colored mane and its wings out flying?”
I’m on one side of the church auditorium and can clearly see my tween son sitting with the youth group in the front row of other side of the auditorium. And I see, to my horror, my son put his hand in his mouth and start rooting around. But wait, there’s more. I then watch, in disbelief, AS HE PULLS OUT A TOOTH. A whole molar. While in the front row. During a church service.
Meg is walking around the house singing “I’m better than you! I’m better than you! You may think you’re better than me but I’m better than yoooooooouuuuuu!!!”
I stopped her and asked, “how do you know that you’re better than me??”
Meg, “well....do you know how much 196 +196 equals???”
Me, “not offhand...”
Meg, “see???”
Me, “do YOU know how much 196+196 equals?”
(Long pause)
Meg, “Ok. Ok, Mom. No. Buuuuuut math doesn’t matter....and...I’m still better.”
Flounces off, very confident in her non-mathematically determined superiority.
So during tonight’s excellent sermon by pastor Stuart, my son attempted to make a “mind blown” sound after a particularly meaningful point. Unfortunately, it was a swing and a miss as the noise that came out of his mouth sounded distinctly like he was passing a massive amount of gas. Sigh. #duringaquietmoment #whosekidisthat #perhapsjustanamenwouldsuffice
Debriefing with Meg about the highs and lows of her day in kindergarten...
Meg: "I made a paper with lots of hearts on it and I gave it to (smiles dreamily) Charllie"
Me: "Huh. What did Charlie think?"
Meg: (nonchalantly confident) "Oh, he loved it, he said,
'WOW! I LOVE Meg!""
Me: "Really?"
Meg: "Yes....Well...he said that in his brain. His mouth actually said, 'What in the world is happening??"
Debriefing with Brenn about the highs and lows of his day in 4th grade...
Brenn:"...and then she slammed my leg with her arm, which is in a cast...which...is actually SUPER HARD!"
Me: "Well, it is a cast."
Brenn: "Wait...is it suppose to be hard???"
Sigh. I'm failing as a mother.
On today’s episode of “All My Kindergarteners” Meg reveals the state of her affection for the erstwhile Charlie...
Me: “So who are your best friends at school?
Meg: “Holly...Veronica...”
Me: “Charlie?”
Meg: (emphatically) “NO. He is NOT my best friend.”
Me: “Why?????”
Meg: (“Girl, please” voice) “He walks away from me all the time. AND he threw earwax at me!” (Pause) “HIS earwax!!!”
The single-mindedness and steely determination exhibited by my children when we walk into Costco and hear that the snack bars are going to close shortly makes me think that perhaps I just haven’t been offering the right motivation when I ask them to do basic household chores They were laser-focused and undeterred as they rapidly moved from one station to the next. “Come on Mom. We can DO this!!!!!!” #goals #priorities
Summer time: If you make and give your children smoothies they will ask you for a snack to go with them. Thinking about snacks will remind them of a funny taco video that their friends talked about. Watching the funny youtube video will make them laugh. Laughing while eating smoothies will make them choke, gasp and cough. Coughing means that now my computer screen is covered with smoothie. #summertime #helpmerhonda #cherishthemoment
I heard a thin, frustrated wail from downstairs as the kids were suppose to be getting ready. A few minutes later a weeping Meg stumbles up stairs followed by a belligerent Jack ...
Meg: “Jack stomped on my head!!”
Jack: “I did not!!”
Meg: “YES. I was laying on the ground [why???] and then you stomped on me!”
I give Jack a pointed look....
Jack: (Sigh) “I mean....I was walking, and then I stumbled and then I might have stepped on her face....ON ACCIDENT MOM!!!”
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