Paul challenged me to get back into writing recently.
I immediately told him that I was too busy, much too busy, so very busy, busier than EVER...and thus could not write.
Then God reduced the census numbers at the hospital where I work AND gave me an evil, week-long cold. It seemed like he was purposefully keeping me at home for days on end with lots of free time...
...which I promptly filled with decluttering, organizing, cleaning, cooking, appointment making, appointment keeping, weeding, seeding, reading, installing, along with the occasional Netflix show binge watching. But NO writing.
Nonetheless, here I am, a week out from my last day at work, sitting in a very clean and organized house with no new projects to do, people to help or places to go.
So I'm writing, (and imagining Paul's smug, slightly victorious smile.)
Lately, any blog posts published have been about our family adventures (given the fact that we lived in Turkey for one glorious, travel-filled year.) While I still have a few of those up my sleeve, today I'm reverting back to one of my pre-Turkey blog series. But, because I'm just dipping my toe back into the writing waters, I'm chosen the easiest series to resurrect. I'm not positive that I'm ready to pick up the pen on a more permanent schedule so let's start small, shall we?
I've been reading a lot lately. Some of the books that have slid across my kindle app will remain unnamed because they are fluff reading...the kind of reading we all download but never admit too because we want to continue being taken seriously by friends and family. But more than a few of the books that I'm currently tackling are respectable, thought-provoking or soul-satisfying reads. I'll tell you about those : )
(I suppose if you really want to know the type of fluff that I read you can message me and I'll tell you...)
Anyway, here we go.
(And yes, I realize that this a picture of Jack...but it's all I had to work with because, as you might imagine, it's weird to try and get a picture of oneself reading... 😆)
"The Divine Hours: Prayers of Springtime" by Phyllis Tickle
Prayer appointed for the week,
"Almighty and merciful God, in your goodness keep me, I pray, from all things that may hurt me, that I, being ready both in mind and body, may accomplish with a free heart those things which belong to your purpose; through Jesus Christ my Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."
"The Lazy Genius Kitchen: Have What You Need, Use What You Have, and Enjoy It Like Never Before" by Kendra Adachi
I stumbled across this book somewhere...Instagram? A substack author I follow? An Amazon recommendation? Honestly, I can't remember. I just recall thinking it sounded interesting and heaven knows I spend a lot of time stressing over the moments (hours?) that I spend in my kitchen. So I downloaded it from the library and it sat on my shelf until the day I was notified that it was about to be returned 😆
After renewing the loan and chastising myself for being a lazy reader (remember all the fluff that I mentioned earlier???) I began this book. So far I'm two chapters in and the author has helped me thoughtfully declutter three of my kitchen cabinets...while also providing the equivalent of a few friendly high fives. Because feeding people is work and not loosing your mind while doing this never-ending task is a feat worth celebrating!
I'll report back on how the rest of the book affects my habits. Finger crossed.
"If you try to count the number of meals you will likely make over the course of your lifetime, you might weep. Since weeping would decidedly kill the fun vibe we’re going for here, let’s hurry along. The point? No day escapes a food-related task, most days hold more tasks than you can count, and being in your kitchen feels like running on a turbo-charged hamster wheel that leaves you gasping for breath. Allow me to hold your metaphorical face in my metaphorical hands as I say this: of course you’re exhausted. Of course you are. Life in the kitchen doesn’t provide any breathers to figure out what you’re doing or what you need. Meals just keep coming no matter how much you need them to slow down."
This book was recommended to me by my dear friend, Desiree. (She writes at desireetalbert.com, and you should definitely be following her!!)
Why was it recommended, you ask? Was it because a friend of yours is struggling with depression? Or Paul, perhaps? Maybe a parent?
No. It was recommended to me because I am currently dealing with depression-like thoughts and feelings myself. I describe the sensation like being on a path that clearly leads down into spiritual and mental depression and feeling unable to stop my descent or head in the opposite direction.
I am trying to determine the causes for being on the path. I am working hard not to speed up the progression down the path. And I definitely want to leave this path...as I've told God many times over the last few months.
And yet.... I still find myself waking up to a mind that is not quite like it used to be, and I miss it. I miss the optimism that used to bubble up, unreserved, from my heart most days.
So while I wait for God to show me the next right steps in this new reality, I'm doing my best to pour truth into my heart in order to let it percolate.
"How do we get through them? The times that knock the breath out; when even our strongest and bravest must confess with desolate eyes, “I do not know what to pray” (to paraphrase what Paul expresses in Rom. 8:26). How do we get through such times, when silences trump sentences? It is as if our words have no life jackets. They must stay, tread water in the shallows, and watch us from a distance. Words have no strength to venture with us into the heaving deeps that swallow us.
And many of us who believe in Jesus don’t like to admit it, but we find no immunity here either. Many of us know what it is to lose hair, weight, appetite and the semblance of ourselves. Painful circumstances or a disposition of gloom within our chemistry can put on their muddy boots and stand thick, full weighted and heavy upon our tired chests. It is almost like anxiety tying rope around the ankles and hands of our breath. Tied to a chair, with the lights out, we sit swallowing in panic the dark air.
These kinds of circumstances and bodily chemistry can steal the gifts of divine love too, as if all of God’s love letters and picture albums are burning up in a fire just outside the door, a fire which we are helpless to stop."
"I start our conversation about depression with this November sermon [of Spurgeon's], amid the public honesty of a pastor and a congregation. I do so because this sermon reveals what the pained man said the first time he returned to a pulpit following the hoax that killed. He begins – and I hope that you too might see how helpful this is – by publicly confessing his humanity.
' I almost regret this morning that I have ventured to occupy this pulpit, because I feel utterly unable to preach to you for your profit. I had thought that the quiet and repose of the last fortnight had removed the effects of that terrible catastrophe; but on coming back to the same spot again, and more especially, standing here to address you, I feel somewhat of those same painful emotions which well-nigh prostrated me before. You will therefore excuse me this morning ... I have been utterly unable to study ... Oh, Spirit of God, magnify thy strength in thy servant’s weakness, and enable him to honour his Lord, even when his soul is cast down within him.'
The fact that such a prominent Christian pastor struggled with depression and talked so openly about it invites us to friendship with a fellow sufferer. As this pastor and preacher grappled with faith and doubt, suffering and hope, we gained a companion on the journey. In his story we can begin to find our own. What he found of Jesus in the darkness can serve as a light for our own darkness."
Look. If you spend any time researching this woman you may come back to me wagging your finger and telling me to be cautious. I'll just put that out there so that we can move past the fact that Sarah and I disagree on more than a few things.
But this woman thinks and feels in ways that mirror my mind so much that I can't read her and NOT come away encouraged to love and trust Jesus more. In short, there's a baby in that bath water and I trust the Spirit to give me wisdom on separating the two :)
Ok.
Beyond that lengthy caveat, I'll just say that God has used Sarah's writing (both in this book and on her substack) to bolster my heart lately. She pushes me towards God unrelentingly, and I am better for her pushing.
"But at the same time, I don't know that we are doing folks any favors if we act like when we become Christians or when we follow Jesus, all we do is win. I think it's okay to say that we mess up, that we let people down, that we overpromise and underdeliver, that we go to therapy, that we take our meds, that we go for walks to remember everything good and true, that we're still in the midst of figuring out where God is in the middle of all this, that we're learning our capacity and God's goodness the real way: by living our lives and experiencing both victories and sorrows in the midst."
"Perhaps self-care is simply joining with God to care for ourselves as a mother would care for us. As I walked through the gate, I discovered God’s metaphor as a wise, capable, strong, patient, kind, no-nonsense, deeply loving mother. I knew so well how it felt to be mothered by my own mum. I remembered how her love made me feel grounded but also how she opened the doors for me and bade me to go further out into the world, secure in that love. It is nice to be mothered. No wonder my own children like it so much."
"Sometimes, when I tuck my own children into bed for an evening of rest and popcorn and comic books, I sense God inviting me to that sort of rest, to remember that shalom isn’t about restoring me to constant Doing and Going and Accomplishing, it’s also a restoration and a healing and a reimagining of abundant life. ....This has been the question God has given to me as a practice of spiritual discernment during my life with chronic pain: How would God like to mother me today? If God was a strong, patient, wise, kind, no-nonsense, deeply loving mother, what would She want for me today? It’s a great question to ask in prayer when I feel scattered and exhausted and empty. Sometimes the answer has been simply: 'Take a nap, child, I’ve got you.'"
"The Bible Told Them So: How Southern Evangelicals Fought to Preserve White Supremacy" by J. Russell Hawkins
This is my "slog-through-it" book of the month. It's not easy reading. In fact, it's rather sad reading. It's the kind of reading that I don't enjoy but feel compelled to delve into. Downloaded one evening after a heated conversation regarding racial tension in the United States, it has been rather eye-opening.
I'm fifty percent through the book and thus far the author has refrained from providing his own personal opinion. I'm not actually sure what his personal thoughts are yet, but I suspect I'll read them soon as the second half of the book is an analysis of the information shared in the first half.
What I have appreciated is the remarkable amount of original source documentation the author provides to back up any statements that he makes. Regardless of his conclusions later, just reading the source material has been enlightening.
I don't have a quote as this is an audiobook, but I'll say that probably one of the biggest take-aways is the realization that many pastors in the south were pro-integration (not ascribing to the belief that God ordained segregation) and that it was the parishioners who opposed this social change, often forcing pastors out of their jobs as a result.
Finished Books (in the last few month or so)
"Blitz" by Daniel O'Malley (one of my favorite fiction authors. I love all his books, especially his first...which I just saw Jack reading this weekend 😍)
"On the Road with Saint Augustine: Real-World Spirituality for Restless Hearts" by James Smith (Ok, true confession, I stopped reading this book halfway through. But it was because it accidentally got packed left in our storage unit in AK when we moved to Turkey!)
"A History of the World in Six Glasses" by Tom Standage (Just a really fun look at the influence different beverages have had on human history.)
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